11/17/17

having trouble getting out of bed today. some thoughts/ideations of the past seem to be um... um... okay, i remembered the word i wanted to use... manifesting

i don't feel good. can't tell if why i don't feel good is for a real reason or something i've created to distract me, in a negative way. i don't know

one thing i don't like is how cars ahead of you will slow down when approaching a cop that has pulled someone over. like that cop, already out of his/her car, dealing with someone else's "violation," is going to notice you driving five miles over the speed limit, abandon his/her already-started, i don't know what to call it... his/her already-started "protocol" with someone he/she thinks is "violating" the law, like he or she is going to abandon that and go after you... it's not the same as rubbernecking, what i'm describing. it's just slowing down when you see a cop's lights going, on the side of the road, in the position of having pulled someone over. riddle me why people think this cop might, then, already so occupied, about-face, vacating the "situation" he/she's already gone through pains to establish to go after them?

my tire had a nail in it. i didn't know this, but my steering wheel was pulling to the right, and when i googled it, the internet said the most common reason for this is uneven tire pressure. i managed to convince myself that my front right tire was looking a little low, so i asked the mechanics on my block if they'd fill it up. without my discussing the steering wheel stuff, they told me to turn my wheel all the way to the left and back up. they found the nail on the inside corner of the tire, where i would never have been able to see it myself, and they patched it for free. my steering wheel has since resumed normal function

earlier that day, my therapist asked if i minded if she took a nap before our session. i said it was fine. afterwards, i talked to her about how i was afraid we'd go to war with north korea. i referenced some statistics i'm not certain about. also, i was pleased to discover the north korean flag has an emoji

for the past few years i've been eating (drinking?) raw eggs almost every day. i usually consume three, and i think it has notably improved my health. i get sick a lot less, and it's a good source of protein, with only seventy calories per egg. i mostly try to spit out the whites, after i read they somewhat counteract the health benefits of the yolks, which is where the vast majority of vitamins and nutrients are stored

conor came over on tuesday, which was three days ago, and spent the night. we drank pinot noir made in oregon, and in the morning we put coconut oil and butter in our coffees, which was fine. i'll probably do it again when i'm bored

this blog post sucks. that said, the narrator from the first story in 'break it down' (1986) by lydia davis seems like the same as the one in her novel 'the end of the story' (1994). there's a lot of evidence for this throughout the novel, though it could also be argued otherwise. i am open to this argument. ranking her books of fiction from most favorite to least favorite, i would rank them the following:

1. cant and won't (2014)
2. varieties of disturbance (2007)
3. the end of the story (1994)
4. samuel johnson is indignant (2001)
5. break it down (1986)
6. almost no memory (1997)

and it's important to note, i think dr. bronner's changed the formula, or otherwise botched an enormous batch, of their tea tree oil castile soap. it smells "off," almost rancid. i tried to return the most bottle i bought most recently (size: 32 oz.) to the food coop, but i'd lost the receipt and they wouldn't accept it. afterwards, i smelled the other bottles on the shelf, and they had the same bad smell. i called zoe and katie about this, and they'd both also noticed the change. i tried to call the dr. bronner's customer service line but it kept going to voice mail. while we're at it, i'd like to point out that i didn't really try to return the soap. i called and told the person at the food coop about the smell, and they said i couldn't return it without a receipt. i dug through the trash and couldn't find the right one, but i got an idea at what rate some of my perishables decomposes, and i did find a receipt for a different shopping trip, in which i hadn't bought dr. bronner's soap. i looked around for a similarly priced item, noting a bottle of nature's way echinacea with goldenseal, and thought i'd bring the receipt, take another bottle off the shelf, where i'd bought that one, and bring it up for a return, unopened, explaining that i'd meant to buy regular echinacea, like that i couldn't eat goldenseal root for some reason. when i got to the coop, though, they didn't have the same brand of echinacea with goldenseal that i'd previously purchased (nature's way). it looked like they'd stopped carrying it, so my plan was ruined, and i came up with another thing i tried on the spot, showing the person the receipt and saying that the echinacea with goldenseal capsules had gone rancid, such that when i'd opened the bottle, they'd smelled horrible, and i'd had to throw them away. the person went in the back to discuss this return with a superior, and we had some back and forth, with my trying to justify this made up rancid smell, and it looked like they were going to give me the refund, but then they asked for the bottle. i said i'd thrown it away, and they said without the bottle i was complaining about there was nothing they could do for me. they said i should try calling the company. i felt defeated, but righteously, and i felt less bad after smelling the other bottles of soap, confirming that all the dr. bronner's tea tree castile soap had changed formulas or, for some reason, gone "bad." i tried calling the customer service line a couple more times before giving up. that was a week ago. i'm still using the soap, and it's stopped smelling bad to me

i helped zachary move one of his two fridges down to the curb, and conor and i watched all of season seven of 'game of thrones' in one day. that show sucks

yesterday i had work, and the teamster i was driving with kept the truck so cold and smoked cigarettes. after i left i felt very sick, and it recently occurred to me that the lyric "keep on shooting that gun don't reload" eventually doesn't make sense