last night, zoe and i went to a panel at the new school on "antisemitism and the struggle for justice." i got there a little early and looked at the protest outside. it was being led by zionists, and they seemed smug. the talk, on the other hand, was inspiring. i was especially moved by linda sarsour, but everyone was good. the worst speaker was the only man who talked. i don't know. i'm a staunch anti-zionist. "homeland" is the most arbitrary, backwards notion that anyone, especially a jew, could maintain, in my opinion. it's exclusionary, theocratic and inherently violent. i have not visited israel, and i have no plans to visit israel until the police state is dismantled and land and power is redistributed to palestinians. i started typing more of my opinions, but i think they should be fairly obvious. israel is a fascist country. it's explicitly non-jewish, in a larger sense of the word (as a historical community, and a movement of peace and faith), and its divisiveness should be evidence of its morally corrupt stance in the wake of the holocaust, thousands of years of oppression, etc.
my dad's step-brother is a rabbi, and one of the kindest, most earnest person i've ever interacted with. the only time i've seen either him or his equally lovely wife falter from this disposition is when they asked me when i'd be traveling to israel
i've been reading more cynthia ozick. 'bloodshed and three novellas' (1976) was very good. my favorite story in the collection is "an education." it's very conventional and satisfying
i don't feel like i have a lot to say right now. i wanted to get down my memory of being at the new school panel. i felt tired at some parts but consistently compelled. the atmosphere of the room took on a dim, warm, almost purple hue. some people sat through most of the discussion before standing up and voicing their opinions against the organizers and speakers, which was depressing. they were escorted out by security people. i had thought a little of violence maybe happening, but there were a lot of cops. funny to what lengths cops seem to appear near jewish-oriented events. it's almost proof of the fascism they want to protect (re mainstream notions of the jewish political perspective (i.e., zionism))
one moment that stood out was when lina morales quoted karl lagerfeld saying "you cannot kill millions of jews and then take in millions of their worst enemies afterwards, even if there are decades [between the events]." this as an example of the totally irrational, hypocritical, misguided islamophobia in the jewish community. to consider middle eastern refugees the jewish community's "worst enemies" as an appeal to the country that once enacted a literal genocide against said community is simply ludicrous. many jews, and their right-wing manipulators, are pushing in all the wrong directions and confusing the issues so deeply that if a true, urgent anti-semitic threat were to arise, we might be too scattered and de-prioritized to recognize or organize against it
anyway, i guess i've been wanting to get more involved in political activism. this felt like a step. i'd like to keep going to things
on an unrelated note, my agent emailed me before i felt the need to email her, which was nice. i saw pat's apartment. it was very small and cozy and he gave me weed gummies after i dropped zoe off. been thinking about this speciesist awareness music video zachary showed me. it's called "vegan rap" and there's a link to it following the colon here: https://youtu.be/qACxfKB3iP4
i wore two pairs of pants and two sweatshirts to bed last night. i dreamed i was in a hotel sort of like the adirondack hotel on long lake. then, that i was biking along a marsh, throwing pieces of a large carrot to animals living peacefully (like, gleefully) within the ecosystem. i threw the final piece of carrot to a cat, who jumped off what it was sitting on, which turned out to be a little girl, i think a baby. there was no one around, and i worried, and ran to contact some people about the abandoned child, but when we got back to the scene, the girl had grown older, now she was like a toddler or pre-schooler, and behind her there was a large house, and many girls coming out of it, or playing near it, and she joined them over there. it was like an orphanage or boarding school or something, and everyone seemed happy. they should turn the heat on in my apartment
there's no difference between hating everyone and hating no one, in my experience
also yesterday my therapist sarcastically told me if i can't find a way to cope with my anxiety and problems, that i could just kill myself. then she pantomimed me being dead in a grave
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