i'm typing on a wireless keyboard. for a while i was just, like, making clicking sounds, tapping the tops of the keys without pressing down. it wasn't actually "a while." "define 'a while,' david." "no." okay. i'm at a gallery, like, information desk. i'm not working. katie is working here. i'm keeping her company. there's two computers. this keyboard is very loud
she took a phone call from the gallery director, i think. i was typing and i coughed. i imagined the gallery director being like, "is there someone there with you?" and katie being like, "yeah, there's a dog in the gallery... he's eating the art." glad that didn't happen though. i have coffee with oat milk in it. iced coffee, and i'm feeling a little giddy
last night, we watched part of 'homeward bound' (1993). michael j. fox voices the dog named chance. there's a cat named sassy. imagine naming your cat "sassy." that would be weird, but i would love it, if it was somebody else's cat. my cat's name is nori. nicole and i named it after north west, and also seaweed. we wanted to be able to "cover our asses" if someone asked why we named it nori. we wanted to be able to discern whether or not someone would judge us re the kardashians or kanye west. anyway, it's my cat now, and for the past three years
this morning, i dropped katie at the subway. then i worked on my novel. the editor my agent sent it to rejected it. that's why i was so depressed blogging three times ago. the last time i was blogging i was depressed for other reasons. i had to cancel the check i mailed to my landlord and deliver a new one in person. i don't know if the original check ever made it. it was six days after i'd mailed it out and they hadn't received it. or maybe it was five, but i was nervous. i'm not going to do the math in my head. my packages came in the mail. they were beat up, but everything inside was fine
i fed zachary's cat twice this weekend. i didn't like doing it, but it gave me purpose. i reread 'bed' (2007), and i'm rereading 'eeeee eee eeee' (2007) by tao lin right now. reminds me of when i was in high school and i reread 'eeeee eee eeee' in the library, eating my lunch in the library to avoid being near people. or probably i had already eaten my lunch during one of my classes that didn't mind if you ate during it, so i would have more time to focus on reading during my free time. i think one of my math teachers encouraged me to eat my lunch during his class so i wouldn't bother the other students by talking because i didn't care about his class even though i maintained a 95% average. i'm bragging a little, but i hated that guy, but that was the year before, and i hadn't read 'eeeee eee eeee' yet or knew about tao's writing, and i didn't keep a blog yet. i also read zachary's bear parade version of 'eat when you feel sad' in the library my senior year of high school, during first period, when i took an online philosophy class, which was very easy, so i didn't actually have to do much work and could just peruse the internet for fifty-six minutes, i think that was the length of a period in high school
on friday i stayed in bed all day. i cooked weed in coconut oil, and it wasn't as strong as when i cook it in peanut butter and cracker sandwiches, weirdly. i thought it would be a lot stronger. i feel like i must've fucked something up. i have a scale now to measure weed, but i don't think it's going to change things for me
i like being reminded of myself seven-to-ten years ago. for a long time i thought during that period of my life i was stupid and naive and "green," but now i think i was very perceptive and weird and driven, though not toward anything in particular. just driven to do things and feel things. it snowed yesterday and i thought about when it snowed in 2009, the first december i was living in new york. i cried and felt hopeless. i was so affected by the world then
i like dogs more than i used to, maybe. i love my cat. i feel like i've stopped resenting her since i put her head under the sink in the middle of the night a few nights ago. she hasn't been bad since then. it's like we've reached "an understanding"
i can't think of much. i have been so depressed. i should drink iced coffee more. it is much less harsh-seeming than hot coffee, on my throat. my throat is very sensitive. my lymph nodes are pronounced. i'm committed to not getting sick. i heard the hold steady on the radio today, and i love them. i really like the glen jones radio programme featuring x.ray burns on wfmu
i don't feel murderous or angry. i don't think i resent anyone, but i do resent the world and being alive. while in the bathroom earlier, i thought that one can't objectively say trump is a bad person, because he has brought joy and hope to people's lives, people who may not have had it before, even if it's misdirected joy and hope, and even if he's actually hurting these people. then i imagined someone saying, but he's brought so much pain to other people, and i think my retort was like, all i said was he wasn't objectively bad, and they said but he shouldn't be president, and i thought, i didn't say he should be president, i said he wasn't objectively bad, and i won the argument
earlier, in my novel, i edited a paragraph so that part of it now reads, "A second passed when I thought, she’s going to save me. She had the quality of an eccentric, yet effective, corrections officer. One that would force you into getting better. By any means necessary, I thought, and grinned into her broad, skinny shoulders." this is about a character the narrator is on a date with. i'm proud of this edit. i like it. i'm bored. katie and i are going to a birthday party later. before we go, she said she wants to eat truffle fries
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