2/23/18

am i freak? i thought "i'm walking from the bed to the kitchen to type this" while getting up off the bed, where i'd been reading, to, along with my laptop, um, type here, about this, about that thought, here, on my blog

i haven't left my apartment since saturday, which was six days ago, except to buy groceries on tuesday, and to move the car, yesterday, from one side of the street to the other, for street cleaning. i haven't talked in, hm, probably close to forty-eight hours. but that's not so bad, in the grand scheme of things

on sunday, i fielded a cascade of phone calls. first, zachary called to ask a question about colv, and to just chat for a second. then, my mother called. it seems like my grandpa might be dying. it's hard to say. he might not have had a stroke after all, for instance, and now he has the flu and is going on dialysis. i hope he's doing okay. my mother suggested i make some time to visit, but not until after he's more stable, which might not happen. gah. i don't know. i'm only not sadder because he's very old (eighty-seven years) and has lived a full life, in several states, with several different jobs and three marriages, and a lot of good stuff. it seems like living with my parents after being in florida for like forty years has been weird for him. maybe i'm projecting. one of my parents walked in on him masturbating, within the first month of their living together, two augusts ago. i just hope for everyone's sake everything goes smoothly and there's no suffering and my parents can relax some. we also talked about holistic medicine and a balanced diet and the immune system and stuff. i've had a lymph node swell up beneath my left armpit, near my pec. the doctor said it was fine. blah. then, while i was talking to my mother about trying to sell my novel, katie called, and we talked for a while. then i got off the phone with her, and i called conor, and he came over to my apartment, and while i was waiting for him, i called katie and we talked more. what a day on the phone that way. i'd planned to read fifty pages of 'morgan's passing' (1980) by anne tyler, and i only ended up reading twenty

um... then on monday evening, after conor had gone home, i texted him to ask if he was feeling sick, and the next morning i woke up feeling sick. that's why i went grocery shopping. i needed provisions to prepare for hunkering down in solitude for the next few days, feeling sick, which is what i've been doing

since monday, i finished 'morgan's passing' and 'dinner at the homesick restaurant' (1982) by anne tyler, and started 'the accidental tourist' (1985) by anne tyler. on sunday evening, conor and i split a half pan of pizza from l&b spumoni gardens and rewatched the finale episode of 'twin peaks: the return.' or no, wait. we watched that the day before, on saturday, after snorting a bunch of ketamine (although we're a little uncertain as to whether it really is ketamine, as it doesn't feel as uplifting or intense, in general)... so what did we... oh yeah, we watched regular 'twin peaks' starting from the beginning, and then maybe switched over to 'frasier' after a while. also, i don't think the new series is officially called 'twin peaks: the return' i think maybe it's just referred to as the third season of 'twin peaks.' thank you

i was stoned that night. i've been stoned every night since saturday night, i think. i've written thirteen thousand new, workable words in a google doc since mid-january. it's around fifty pages double-spaced. the writing feels like a natural, like, "building off" of the style used in my first novel, but it's weirder, attempting to maintain an eerie, uncanny, horror movie-esqe tone throughout, in addition to the tone my previous, maybe slightly more established writing takes. this work is, like, moving my, like, repertoire in a new direction. more experimental, but with commercial concerns: the ideas of genre, audience manipulation, thriller tactics, etc. i feel currently influenced by the work of frederick barthelme, stephen king, david lynch, roald dahl, bret easton ellis, joy williams, 'the wicker man' (1973), tao lin ('trip' (2018) and 'bed' (2007), particularly), the election, dave chappelle, vegetarianism, and the psychedelic experience. bummed out there aren't more women on that list... i'm trying to be honest... maybe donna tartt... god, i feel like i suck

anyway... i hated the new alex ross perry movie 'golden exits' (2018). or did it come out last year, i don't care. i texted john: "golden exits was trash[.] the scene where ad rock might rape the aussie girl was very good, tense, emotional, finger on the pulse of america[,] but that was like 6 minutes in a flurry of 90 minutes of stilted, unrealistic conversations, and unearned 'emotional releases'"

i don't want to talk about it anymore, but, like, i'm trying to save you money here. i watched it online, so i'm safe. hm... john is getting me a box of a kind of pretzels i like. he's a very good guy. one of my favorite people, objectively

i like to eat those pretzels with a piece of lindt chocolate in my mouth already, for the record

might have had more stuff to type, and i will later if i feel like it. i've had this cold. goodbye!