11/4/17

the sky is white right now. when i look at it, and then look away, there's like a purple after-effect in my peripheral vision. my cat is under the blanket. it's kind of damp-feeling in my apartment. i want this to be because i live near the water, but that seems kind of wishful/wistful. it probably isn't damp in here, just cold

i dropped katie off at the airport this morning. i'm drinking her coffee but it has soy milk in it. the light has been nice lately. white, gray, lavender, soft orange, broad strokes across the sky. someone on the radio said trump was painting the uzbek people with a "broad brush." i like that term. there was a full moon sometime early in the morning, like one a.m. or something

two nights ago, driving home from work, in traffic, i took my foot off the brake pedal and was spacing out, maybe looking at my phone, and i drifted into the car in front of me. the car had "PRESTIGE" decaled on the back of it, and i'd been following or next to or near it for probably ten miles, going under twenty miles per hour on first the bqe, then the belt parkway. though the impact was made at probably less than five miles per hour, it was jarring, and felt somewhat severe. we never exchanged insurance information. the guy in the "PRESTIGE" car just looked at his back bumper and touched it. i said "i'm so sorry." he was eastern european, i think. he had a thick accent and said "okay" and put his hand up, got back into his car and drove away

i wish lil uzi vert were my friend. i think we'd get along. he's a leo and i'm a sagittarius. my mom is a leo. i've cried listening to "xo tour llif3" a lot. guy i was working with on the truck two days ago seemed to like it too, because he kept turning up the radio when it came on. i think maybe lil uzi vert made some changes to the song. it sounded different on the radio recently, but i can't remember how

at work yesterday, i had to drive around with a generation z person. she was driving a van, and didn't put the radio on because i don't think it even occurred to her that radio is a viable option or something. we drove in silence, and she mocked the way i applied to college, implying it's a lot harder to apply to college recently than it was nine years ago

we were driving together because i had to pick up some bags of ice, and at the 7-eleven in corona, queens a middle-aged white guy came in and started aggressively, almost comically being racist to the store attendants, who were of middle eastern or south-asian descent. it was around six a.m., and he started by calling them "isis." he said they didn't know about sports, that the only sport in their country was making bombs, and he pantomimed being a bomb, "flying" around the store and then "exploding." then he said their cousin did the terrorist attack in manhattan earlier this week. he said "your cousin blew up that guy," but nobody had been blown up in the attack. then he said "this guy thinks i'm crazy" and i became aware of myself flagrantly frowning/glaring at him. he said he was the store attendants' friend, and i said, "it's racist," but he said it wasn't. the 7-eleven guys seemed to be used to it. they even sort of played along, laughing and affirming stuff he was saying. it was confusing, and i felt bad. the credit card my boss had given me to buy the ice kept getting declined, and eventually i left the store without buying anything

back in the van, i looked at the generation z person's phone and hallucinated that she was using a new maps/navigation app called "sarin"

later, katie and i split an order of chana saag. we drank half a bottle of pinot noir, and she said, when she'd seen the raincoats interviewed the night before, that someone had asked what punk means to them, and they'd answered it was about doing stuff they wanted to do even though they didn't know how to do it. i felt groggy and emotional. i got quiet, and we were given a ten-percent discount for paying with cash