on the highway, driving home, there were planes, like, hovering over the highway. they weren't moving like planes do. they seemed to be stationary, floating in the air, no blinking lights. they weren't helicopters, i made sure. i slowed down and looked carefully. i didn't understand it. there were a bunch of them, not in formation, seemingly scattered throughout the night sky. i braced myself for something bad, but, like usual, nothing happened
i put on a t-shirt and it feels wet
i heard the playboi carti mixtape for the first time driving to work at three a.m. or four a.m. with katie after our first real fight. i didn't know what it was. it was being played on columbia university radio or something like that and had just been released hours earlier, i think. i remember thinking "is this what rap music is like now" and that i loved it. i loved katie. we weren't talking. later she thought i was so angry, but i was just enamored with everything, and by life
my parents took me to mission chinese for my birthday tonight. the food was great. i felt really sad and lonely. i like everyone that works at that restaurant. i want them all to be my friends and tried to make eye contact with them
i might try to look up all the people who work at mission chinese on instagram
"march madness" played and the nav song with playboi carti and "magnolia" and "wokeuplikethis" i told my brother in law about rap music, and he was receptive. the lyrics to "the way life goes" are relevant to my life right now. parts aren't, i guess. i cried a lot this morning in the car. i pulled over and read some of sheila heti
i got kind of bored. my skin is dry and cracking and i'm bleeding and itchy. my parents brought me a quilt. i'm afraid of getting drunk from now on i just want to be nice, but i can only be exclusively nice to people i don't love, i feel
my cat is making noise. the vet says she'll die if i don't get her teeth fixed, but i know they're lying. having shitty teeth won't kill her. i'm not an idiot. she just hit her head. it's a full moon soon, i think, is why she's being bad
i broke my playboi carti cd. my life is stupid
sometimes i think i'm suffering for other people, writing my novel so everyone can have the zeitgeist. i feel like i'm not gonna be happy till i go down south and figure out why people love guns so much. i want to live in the country with a small farm and three dogs and seven cats and get stoned three nights a week. i want throw a lemon at a cop and for no one to see and for me to float away and sleep while floating and be safe from being afraid of being away from home for too long and for the cop to retire from police stuff, find truth in love and become an acid guru
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