1/16/18

my friend john has me hooked on these anchovies from spain. they come cold packed in oil and vinegar... thought i'd have more to say about this... they're matiz espaƱa brand white anchovies

i also wanted to address something my friend conor said to me earlier in the day. he said the white stuff that comes out of zits is clumps of white blood cells fighting the infection. some stuff i've read online supports this... just seems so ridiculous. like, what? white blood cells are literally white? and you can see them? other stuff says it's dead skin cells and sebum and stuff... this is gross, i'm done typing about this

still eating these anchovies, though. my cat wants to eat them, it seems. she ate some of my ikea creamed smoked roe, out of the cap. that was bad of her, it's hard to clean caps

had a great time talking on the phone with my friend willis earlier. we also texted about the singularity at one point. we talked on the phone about personal stuff, and also, like, people who are employed as artists... or... "creative types," like people getting paid to write "content," for instance. we just talked about that kind of person for a moment... talking about physical spaces playing less a role in society and our lives

i ate deadhead og. i've been reading 'fire and fury.' it's pretty entertaining. sort of nothing you didn't know repackaged in a digestible "fuck you" to yourself for reading it

i looked at pitchfork. they had a profile on this musician called clairo. she has a nice song called "pretty girl." reminds me of music from 2010, sort of simple electronic indie with an easy-to-listen-to manner of speaking/singing, like twin sister, before they changed their name to mr. twin sister. i met one of their touring guitarists in austin, texas in 2016, and he sucked!

clairo is cool. we're of a different generation. she seems to really "get" youtube culture, and being online, in a way that i never fully absorbed, having lived for eleven years before my parents got a dial-up internet server, after which i started transitioning toward a more online-oriented existence

i feel better after a few days relaxing. my head feels normal. i feel positive, and suspicious of that

for the past few weeks i've been feeling like people are "out to get me." i got some text messages from a person i don't really know that seemed more like an attempt to troll me, or set me up, or something, than an unorthodox, friendly interaction. i misinterpreted an email from willis as threatening or accusatory. i kept implying that katie's tone was off, via text message, while i had a head injury, convinced she was mad at me, for reasons beyond my understanding. basically that other people are also out to get me... if you are, please refrain from acting. i don't want to be got

clairo reminds me of a cool person i hung out with a few times in 2016. i didn't really like her like that, but she was cool, and i feel bad about how we weren't able to transition from that to friendship, but there was too much shittiness and uncertainty in my life, i didn't encourage us to be friends, even though that could've been cool, had we tried. she sent me some emails that didn't paint me in so good a light, a few months later. anyway, yeah. i'm sorry that happened, person, you were cool. i should've handled things differently. she was the same age then as clairo is now, i guess... what do they call them after millennials? am i wrong? are they millennials? i shout them out. i feel like they have a closer relationship to the culture than i do... i want to get back in touch with that culture

um... soundcloud rap... miles says he lives near tekashi 6ix9ine. i think that guy's music is really bad, but his online presence is compelling. he has a well-curated persona and fashion and stuff. it's cool how he takes his shirt off a lot but doesn't have a good body. he has dad bod, but he's twenty, i think. there were allegations that he had sex with a minor? it's very unclear what to make of that... hoping it's just bad rumors, but if it's real, i'll have to rethink consuming the brand of tekashi 6ix9ine

person who was at conor's apartment told a cool story about chastising kids for being bad, in florida. i've been using the word "cool" a lot today, i feel. there were so many people just out and about this afternoon who seemed in awe of my not having interest in or sympathy toward their having children. but after she told the story, we sort of talked about aziz ansari stuff, then she commented, to someone else, that "men can't talk [constructively, or some other word like that] about consent"... felt like she was right. anyway, aziz has always seemed half-baked, wishy washy. i could always sense he had no moral compass. i can think of... no, never mind. this isn't a pissing contest. even that kind of language is problematic... just trying to stay with the culture, damn. lily said she's obsessed with the aziz story. she led me down some thought paths i might not have gone down before...

i don't know. feel like i always do that. type "i don't know" to non sequitur a new thing

last night i ate too many fruit loops. i woke up with a stomach ache. today, at work, the teamster i was working with expressed some reservations about trump, but then said that hillary would've been worse. i asked him why he thought that. (it had been in response to my saying that had she been elected, our government would've been stalled, instead of engaging in trump policy.) he said it's better to be doing something rather than nothing, even if the something wasn't good. he said he thought that the rest of the world wouldn't respect us if our government was constantly at ends with itself and couldn't get anything done. i said i think it would be better if daca hadn't been repealed, and nothing happened, than what happened under trump. he said "yeah... i don't know... we agree on a lot of stuff, dave. we agree on most stuff" or something like that

generally, though, i liked him. he recommended against having kids and said when you reach the age of thirty-nine, you can really tell what you care about and probably will start caring less about everything. he agreed with me about some thoughts i had about technology and the future, but he cited 'star wars' in a weird way. later he said if he'd stayed in school he would've studied broadcast journalism

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