1/5/18

there was a blizzard yesterday, but it was so windy, my car is totally clean, and i barely had to dig it out

two nights ago, which was wednesday, i spent about an hour thinking about whales. some people think orcas are the second smartest animal in the world, after people. i don't know. there wasn't an organized anti-whaling movement until the early twentieth century. whales can't really touch themselves. like, do they know what they feel like, do they know their own textures? or maybe the textures of other whales? i wonder if they like sex much. i was just thinking about them, not reading much or anything. i was listening to 'drum dance to the motherland' (1973) by the khan jamal creative arts ensemble and feeling passive and content

my cat moved against me in a majestic way. her fur is thick because of the winter. i can see a number of cats congregate in back of my apartment building. they sit in the sun during the day. there are so many of them. outside, my hands went numb

descartes didn't think animals had any thoughts or feelings. john locke disagreed. fbg wookie is pretty good. better than omb peezy, at least

i have nothing to cry about. i'm not sad. i ate until my stomach hurt so badly i couldn't eat anything else, and all night, in the middle of the night, every time i woke up, i was so full i felt sick. my stomach looks distended today. it felt so good to taste food last night. i just wanted to keep tasting stuff

i stayed with my eyes closed for more than twelve hours, but i probably was awake for an hour and a half of that, worrying that the wind was so strong it was go to shatter the glass of my window. the glass was rattling, and i was stoned

i remember being scared of a tree outside the window in clinton hill on halloween, or maybe the night before halloween. we were so depressed all the time. we liked to protect each other, in our depression, i feel, by maybe doubling down on being depressed

i didn't really like 'two against one' (1988) by frederick barthelme that much. i think in general i don't like books that take place over the course of a couple days. it doesn't feel like enough can happen. i mean, 'ulysses' maybe being the exception... hard to say, i read that book in such a specific way

seems insane people didn't care about whaling in the nineteenth century. like, how was there no organized movement against whaling. did people really not think or care that whales were smart? obviously melville, for instance, at least knew they were very smart, even, like, almost conniving. for a long time 'moby-dick' was my favorite book. how were there not more animal rights people during a time when people lived closer to animals? i'm getting more animal rightsy... slowly... i have trouble seeing myself becoming vegan, but it would be cool if i could

oh, and another thing: so i recently added someone i hadn't talked to in like five years on facebook, and it looks like he’s been spending his time working for an organization that rescues animals from inhumane farming conditions, which is very cool. i was wondering though, do you think if you donate to that organization, can you get in trouble for donating money to something that does illegal stuff as its main thing (even if the illegal thing is totally about morality and standing up for what you believe in), like even if you don’t participate in it, could your money be misconstrued by the government as funding, etc. not that i care about donating so much, just thinking about what would happen if i wanted to

going to go to interstate tonight for an opening i don't care about, and then maybe to call box lounge to see a friend who lives in europe while she's in town. i've known her for fifteen years, so she might be my oldest friend. jesus... i hope i'm good at talking to people...

the tone of this blog post feels so "off"... i'm fucked... maybe because of all the coffee i drank. stopping blogging now. thanks