10/23/17

on friday, which was three days ago, katie and i talked on the phone and decided not to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, which seemed fine at the time, given some things, but ultimately isn't what i wanted

the next day, we met at the 42nd street library to see 'häxan' (1922) for free. i thought a lot of people would be there and told katie to be an hour early. she beat me there. five other people showed up to the screening, and it was very cold in the room where they were projecting it. there weren't blinds in the room, so it was very bright and hard to see the screen, and katie and i sat close together and sometimes held each other. i had brought her part of a pumpkin bread i'd made a few mornings earlier

we both cried later, and walked down fifth avenue and talked. then we sat in washington square park, and it was loud and reminded me of college, and i wished i was over there more, and then i quickly walked away from katie. after a while i listened to destroyer music on my phone, going to chinatown to eat dinner

the reason for this blog post is that i'm trying to remember a thought i had last night or a few nights ago while extremely stoned watching 'the office' i think

i think it was something about, um... god. hold on, let me just think about it a little harder. that is the point of this. forcing me to think about certain thoughts

my cat keeps looking at me, she's distracting me. stop, okay she stopped, but now i keep looking up to look at her

oh, i remember the thought, i think. or at least something i thought. it was that, as time goes on, during the course of 'the office' universe. like as seasons pass, the characters become more accustomed to and aware of the cameras filming them for the documentary being made about them. they cease to be able to, like, act naturally, because everything they've done for years has been filmed, and they... like this is just an idea of how you can view the show, like a lens through which to watch the show... like as years go by they become more and more attuned to this state of constant exposure, such that they never cease to be acting, getting more and more dramatic and histrionic, not necessarily reacting the way they might have had they not been on camera. this explains why some characters got more ridiculous and funny as the series went on. kevin, andy, creed, oscar and jan come to mind, among others. like and when you question why jan dates michael, for instance, like why she is always coming down from nyc to scranton, it feels very calculated, like she's very much playing into the knowledge that she will one day be on tv. or anytime ryan is doing something, after a certain point in the series, though that seems more obvious. remember how jan is always shows off her singing talents and stuff in later seasons... anyway, yeah. i think an in-depth analysis of this would make for a cool phd thesis. i don't want a phd. and i don't feel like i need to go any deeper with this right now, personally, as i've achieved remembering the thought that led me here in the first place

katie and i are supposed to hang out on wednesday, i hope it's fun. i want to watch a horror movie maybe

i also had thoughts about some people on social media gaining weight to fight societal stuff, but that felt more forced

i don't think my cat or i have ringworm, but i'm still not sure

waiting to hear back from a few people about a few important things. actually just two people about two things. still important. one of them being re if my cat has ringworm

on an unrelated note, earlier i typed "come to pass" when what i really meant was "happen." felt terrible